all about ns

some of the more vivid army experiences floating around in my mind that i just have to spill out before i forget. (note that the facts have been swirled together with the fantasies of memory, which may make my interpretation of certain events, well, fuzzy at best.)

here goes...

gazing aimlessly outside at the orange lights pasted across the night sky, trying to keep my poor, empty mind occupied so that sleep, and the dreaded next day, would not come too quickly. multiply that by nine weeks.

the thrill of seeing the ferry and sailing back home across the sea each saturday afternoon. sitting in eager anticipation of the mainland as though headed for a party one has been looking forward to for years.

trailing through the swampy jungles in the middle of the night, clutching onto the buddy-in-front's footsteps, with the only visible thing being the illuminated tip of the compass pointing north. feeling tired, tortured and a little scared, all at the same time.

marching 28km from dusk to dawn in sappy 4km blocks, the surroundings as well as my throbbing mind fading to a weary, droning blackness as my feet jerk rhythmically, on and on, with life of their own.

getting posted to a camp equivalent to the wild barrenness of siberia and now, looking back in astonishment at how quickly a year and a half have passed, considering time crawled slower than a family of slugs during my first few weeks there.

sitting upright in bed trying to battle sleep after a 5:30 breakfast and before the 6:45 PT session, just me, my iPod and the whirring fans. spirituality awakens in a body drooping with dreamy fatigue.

sitting in the bx one soggy morning somewhere up in the mountains with the bunch of crazy section-mates and eating a breakfast of boiled eggs that we whacked against our hard helmets to crack.

jet-spraying vehicles with water while getting lashed at by the winds of an oncoming typhoon, and then zipping across taipei the next day with so much to do but so little time. buying everything on impulse.

facing the mounting pressures of leadership and learning to stand on my own two feet. writing down lessons i'd learnt each day in my little black notebook.

going on a crazy five-day full troop after months without tasting the wonders of outfield and panicking because i didn't know how to pull my coverall pants down. gorging on cold canned sardine and nasty green packs.

running around doing detailing, scoring, compiling. i/c this i/c that. the benefits as well as the horrors of the world of admin. stoning in the office during lonely weekend duties. finally getting so used to my spec job that it no longer prodded me out of my comfort zone.

and for the last few months...been enjoying all the happy, crazy people from my company! have to admit i've been having a wonderful time since then. with new leadership, new friends and an easier journey.

from then till now, it has always been about the people, although that sounds rather contradictory as i am generally more introverted. perhaps i am a hybrid between being an inward-looking and an outgoing person. well-balanced, i hope.

so many things i never thought i'd be able to do. i've been stretched and challenged, been used and manipulated in so many ways. it is truly amazing how this date has come so quickly. and even though i spent many evenings agonizing over how the calendar seemed to have frozen, it all doesn't even seem that difficult now... but still, i'd never want to go through it all again.

the clock has reached its end for this phase of my life, and i have packed my possessions and dragged them all out of the dreary camp gates for the final time, along with all these memories.

i have always admired the beauty, perfection and significance of 091109. how many countless nights spent mulling over my handphone calendar, counting down the weeks to this date. circling it again and again in diaries and calendars all over. and in four days time it will finally be here.

i no longer have that level of excitement as the day finally approaches, though. our lives are so funny, we tend to hype up so many things, making them all so mediocre when they finally come. but at least it is an occasion to be truly happy!

the strawberry generation

as a friend casually commented, we form the strawberry generation. this term refers to the lot of us who, generally speaking, are overprotected, easily bruised pieces of human who cannot take much hardship. it's like trying to grow the strawberry in tropical regions- there needs to be a greenhouse to enclose and protect the plants, to shelter them from the heat.

reading lee kuan yew's memoirs has made me realise how detached we actually are from our own history. his opening sentence: 'i wrote this book for a younger generation of Singaporeans who took stability, growth and prosperity for granted. i wanted them to know how difficult it was for a small country of 640 square kilometres with no natural resources to survive in the midst of larger, newly independent nations all pursuing nationalistic policies' rings in a rather true way, for we are a group of people who have never experienced poverty, civil unrest, and much of the unpleasantness and the pains of growing up as a nation.

does that make us spoilt, or simply blessed to be born in a generation that freely inherits the fruits of our forefathers' labour?

parts of the country

having lived in this country for about two decades, i can vouch that the saying 'familiarity breeds contempt' holds true. too often we look at our homeland with overly critical eyes, failing to see the beauty that lies all over. as such i have made it my mission to love the land. its geographical aspects first, of course. the people and their ugly antics are sometimes harder.

i am going to draw up a flawless exercise routine to maintain my fitness after i graduate from serving the nation. jogging seven times a week or something.

so they all say. lets see how long my discipline can last.

home can be so peaceful, like a zen garden. i wonder if all of us were built for the exciting life.